For many addicts of a certain substance, it can be a difficult obstacle to overcome. For some, the road is a humbling one that is rather helpful and impactful. For others, the road can conjure up some demons that even the strongest cannot subdue. For Five Finger Death Punch singer, Ivan Moody, the struggle towards sobriety was as much real, as his contribution is with his band.
Anyone in recovery knows that isolation is the biggest enemy. And being in the industry that we are, I had to isolate myself. I lived on the bus or a hotel room, an airplane. No girlfriends, no family. My kids are everything to me and I never got to see ’em — I missed tons of moments and years. And so the bottle sang back to me, so to speak. It was the one thing that I could guarantee,” Moody said.
“When I was drunk, I knew how my life was gonna end,” he continued. “I planned on it. I was gonna not wake up one day, or go into seizure and die. I was comfortable, because I knew what was gonna happen. And now being sober, I don’t know how I’m gonna go. And that’s a fucking scary thing. And I’ve met a lot of addicts that feel the same way.”
“I knew I was done during my detox. It took me seven and a half days just to detox. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t go to the bathroom by myself, I couldn’t smoke a cigarette. I had a staff member actually sleep in the room with me for the first 38 hours, just to make sure that I didn’t go under. I blew a .36 when I went in, which, to anybody who knows anything, means that that was, basically, death. And I didn’t wanna come out of it. I woke up the next day, and I was pissed that I was still alive.”
“There was so many things — minor things — in my life that just accumulated into this one big fucking thing. I truly don’t know. I mean, think about it: I’ve got everything I’ve ever hoped for. I’ve got beautiful children. I’m taking care of my mother; I set her up. I’ve got a niece and a nephew. My brother’s getting married. I’ve got nice cars. I’ve got a beautiful house. I love my dog. Imagine if you’ve got everything you’ve ever wanted — everything — and then what? What do you do?”
“I want people to hear my lyrics and my melodies and say, ‘That dude’s in pain.’ Or, ‘That guy’s victorious over something. He overcame that substance, or just life in general.’ I just wanna give hope back,” he said.
“When I went back in the studio [to lay down the vocals for some of the new songs], I was, like, ‘Guys, this isn’t gonna be the most metal album we’ve ever had, but I need to pour out some demons,'” he said. ‘And so that’s what I did. I got a lot of it out of my system through music. There’s a couple of songs on there that are just tearjerkers for me.”
“I’m not saying anything I’ve done in the past wasn’t real; it was just components of one giant machine,” he added. “Where this is me with my head, my soul and my heart all in the same place at the same time. And it was painful, man. There were times I had to stop recording because I was in tears.”
JT “Doc” Berry \m/